Rise up, sing loud, dance in all your fractles.
This life is too precious to stay silent!
I sometimes ask my self what I will be looking back at in years to come. Which of my choices will fill me with pride? Will I experience regret? Who knows for sure! We’re all doing the best we can.
For me, this means taking my journey at every opportunity that comes my way. At 24 I have achieved more than I ever dreamed of. Mighty in my little mind, relatively insignificant in the grand scale of the universe. I hold many papers, often am shown deep respect for finishing the qualifications and training I have taken part of. Those who walk this path understand. It is not about the framed certificate at all. Every paper on my wall tells stories of long hours, dedicated study, endless reading, a deep commitment to personal well-being. With each qualification I went on a journey deeper into my heart. Sometimes this came with big break through, other times, it was a quiet whisper within. I now run big groups and life fully out who I am on the inside. I remember the day of facilitating the first red tent – I was in despair of anxiety. How funny looking back at it now.
And still I’m often unsure I feel like I have achieved much at all. Quite a contrast. My mind knows that papers, clients, personal growth, and all those everyday things count as achievements. That many don’t make it this far. And yet, I don’t feel pride or like I did something special. I didn’t train to travel the world or collaborate with these amazing humans I now have in my life. I just needed to survive somehow. What makes me proud now, is this sense of actually wanting to be in this world for the next 40 years. I remember when I couldn’t bare the next 5 minutes. Now I pray to stay alive and do as much good as I can. I now know what I’m made of. And around that, nothing at all matters! I’ve lost a desire to have a fancy job or build a big house. I just want to live and love in freedom.
And yet the universe seems to always offer more than the mediocre, suburban life I had planned for in my head. I am trusted with these amazing projects. Travelling and sharing. And it scares the BeJesus out of me. There’s a line I will never forget: ‚You’re going to do great things. I already know. God’s got his hand on you so don’t live life in fear. Forgive and forget. But don’t forget why you’re here.‘ (Though I can’t tell you which song this was part of). I still feel this regularly. I guess that’s what we call purpose.
Sometimes it seems that people looking in from the outside perceive my journey as a ‚fall into my lap‘ kind of present. Easy peasy lived through, no biggie. That’s far from the truth. My life is bigger than me. I follow my guidance because someone has to do it. I offer what is given to me because others need it. I set my goals around making the most out of this short stay. It’s exhausting at times and for sure pushes me outside my comfort zone. I sometimes ask myself why I can’t just take it slow for once. Can’t I just sit back and let someone else pick up the task?
I’m still waiting for a day when that will feel right! But like everyone else, I’ve got absolutely no idea what I’m doing here. I’m just winging it, really! And surprisingly that seems to be all it takes to succeed. Putting one foot in front of another. Doing the task at hand. Allowing fears but walking through it. Getting ready quickly if I must.
How silly of me to think that setting up a mentoring program with an amazing soul across the world would be challenge enough. Nope, I’ll quickly slot in a trip to Roumania, fly out to Rome, organise workshops in Germany… I guess that’s just how it goes.
My friend Julia said it best: We need to connect to that vibration of deep trust that all is in our best interest. Others call it believing in the good things coming. Knowing that there is a reason deep down why I keep choosing the harder path. And bringing that deeply into my heart so that I enjoy the journey before I reap the reward. I refuse to surrender to the exhaustion. I pick myself up and dance. I am actively fighting for a life worth living.
I don’t fear regret. Maybe I will realise one day that I should have done it all differently. I could handle that. I see so many people out of their bodies, their souls seem dead with the daily rut and grind. Being in this body is too precious to me to ever allow that. I just can’t spend another day waiting around that things change, or others change, or people get ready to come onto my path. Those who are ready will walk along, those who run ahead are loved, those who stay behind are just as worthy (and maybe surpass me one day after all!) It’s not a race. My choices are centred around how I can be most of myself and therefore be of service best. They have no connection to others.
And so my wish is this: Whatever happens. I want to look back at life and see that I have always done my best. And that I didn’t wait for anyone else. But that there have always been the right people by my side for the next part of the journey. I may have failed on occasion or missed out. But I have taken every opportunity which came my way – and I actively went out there to get what my heart wanted.
I’m glad I don’t have to do it alone. I have all of you. There is music and poetry and art and dance. We are rising as a planet. Becoming more of who we are. Seeing clearer where we are going. And as one rises, everyone else lifts up too!
What are you waiting for? Where is your path leading you next? Which insignificant action could be your next step? And just in case you need to hear it today: There is a plan for you. The great things you will do are already seen. And every molecule in the universe is conspiring to help you go get it!
I love you,