What’s your name? What does it mean? How does it contribute to who you are? Does it make sense? What’s the deeper meaning? Do you feel it fits your personality?
I’ve been reflecting on these questions recently. My name is Patricia, pronounced Pa-tree- zee-ah. Or just Patricia in English. I consider my name a wise choice. A great reflection of who I am, spelling out my purpose, linking ancestral lineage with the dharma of broken patterns. I won’t go into detail, the full understanding of my name is my little secret. Some who know me closely have talked to me about it, I have shared with very few.
What I will openly share, however, is this consciousness of how I have become my name. There is a distinct difference in German and English/Irish pronunciation of my name. Coincidentally (?) it’s spelled with a ‚c‘ rather than a ‚z‘ – the international way, rather than following German/Latin tradition. There is a glow to the German name, a magic, a light-heartedness that gets lost in translation. That glow has gotten lost within me. I realised how I have changed from ‚Pa-tree-zee-ah‘ to Patricia. It’s still a beautiful name. But it’s not truly me.
In Germany, possible through catholic tradition, my family has always celebrated name days – often more in depth than birth days. In my village, names were given as a blessing and connect to a patron, saint, or person who carried this name before. On the day a saint is celebrated in church, the person with the according name receives birthday-like blessings.
Growing up I didn’t get it. It was stupid. There weren’t any cool presents. I only got presents on my birthday. My cousin got presents for his name day. And for his birthday – it was on the 22nd of December, so we celebrated his name day in the summer. I wanted presents on my name day. Because that’s how it works in a child’s mind.
There was a church with the saint my other cousin was named after. We always had to go to that church on his name day. Then we’d go for Italian food after. I enjoyed that ritual. I didn’t have one for my day.
Throughout the past 6 months, I have made an effort to introduce myself to new people I meet with my German name. I say: It’s Pa-tree-zee-ah, but you can say Patricia if you want. I want people to know my heart. I want people to know my name. My heart blossoms when I hear my German name, I miss being that version of myself. I’ve claimed it back.
So today is St. Patrick’s day. I may not have had a tradition for my name day, but at least there’s lots of celebrations all around the world. Spirit was very close over the last few days, I have gone through big healing, I have received the greatest blessing. I have called in the energy of frog medicine – appropriately green.
Frog medicine, my steady companion for the past 7 days, has been taught to me as the medicine of transformation and cleanse. It’s washing away the old shadows. It’s spring clean for the soul. It’s dancing in the rain. For me it has been a birth through fire – I’m half fire warrior after all. And it has been drowning in emotions – why settle for one extreme, hey? It has been a process of remembering the wisdom of my ancestors. Not what I have learned in Reiki books, or what someone across the pond told me. It has been meeting my lineage, my region of birth, the new home I’ve created in Ireland, the gifts that are unique to me, the deep search for what I have to offer that is not shaped by other people’s expectations. I guess that explains both the burning fire and the drowning waves.
It’s St. Patrick’s day. Not a fan of that one to be honest. A lot of suppression of beliefs, a lot of eroding the wisdom of the old druids. Let’s not celebrate forcing people into a preferred religion. It’s something I am conscious of as a pattern within my lineage so I’m not keen on re-creating it once more. But what I DO celebrate is creating opportunity for belief. For faith. For trust in the benevolence of the universe.
I often help people find hope. People tell me that I don’t look like someone who reads tarot. Or someone who is capable to hold space for a big strong man to crumble into emotions or furiously punch pillows. Or someone who helps a mother make decisions about burrying their child after a miscarriage. People tell me that they don’t trust Reiki but they like my vibes, that they are strict atheist but they want to connect to love deeper. So maybe I can transform the connection to this name in my own way. And for that, I need clarity. I need to be willing to try something different.
And boy, oh boy, I did.
Today I went to the first WimHof workshop in Northern Ireland (Thank you Scott for letting me help out! It was a blessing). Not gonna lie, I didn’t dig the breathing or the movement. But I marched into that ice bath. I sucked it up. I embraced the discomfort and relaxed the heck out of my body 😉 I was chilling so hard, it wasn’t even a challenge. And as I embraced my ice cleanse, it began to snow. Snow is my gift from heaven. Always. So there I was, a me I hadn’t seen in a long time. Firmly belonging to myself, resting in who I am. Sucking it up, and being at peace. I could have chilled there a little longer actually – might have to do a dash and splash.
So on this name day, I had the perfect frog medicine. Breaking the worries of my mind, consciously re-birthing who I am. Committing to the mystery and wisdom in my life. And celebrating the new wave of love coming into this world.
Why am I sharing this? No idea. I often share moments of deep emotion or life-changing wisdom. Today was very quiet. I came, I saw, I conquered the ice bath. Another symbolic connection to my name. I belong with myself. I have no clue where I will end up. But you bet your bottom dollar that Pa-tree-zee-ah will have a great future for she has found a deeper connection to the true heart once more.
So who are you? What is your name? What does it bring for you this life time? How does it shape who you are? And are you ready to embrace frog medicine?
I love you.